Make me know Thy way, O Lord; Teach me Thy paths.

Lead me in Thy truth and teach me. For Thou art the God of my salvation;

For Thee I wait all the day.

Psalm 25:4-5

The Paralysis of Unmet Dreams

            Picture this: Two young women are eating lunch together, each with an unseen lightbulb over their heads. As the meal and conversation progress, the light of one bulb shines brighter, but the light of the other begins to dim. When the two women stand to leave, only one lightbulb was shining.

            The above scenario aptly describes how I felt many years ago after a lunch with my cousin. She and her husband had moved to Houston just a few months before. While listening to all of their activities, I realized how much fuller their lives already were in the few months of living here compared to my several years of residence. Oh, how dull I felt. That lunch highlighted my unhappiness of unfulfilled dreams.

            “God, when do I get a piece of the pie? It seems like all of my family have spouses and beautiful homes. I am alone and there have been problems with this condo since the day I moved in. Why do they have so much more than me?”

            This conversation was repeated many times. The incredulous reality was that I had the money to buy another place. The problem was there were two dreams at stake—the desire to marry and the desire to move and they had become so emmeshed that even with the money to move ahead, I was powerless to make a change.  A more honest prayer of what I wanted would have been, God, please send me a husband to rescue me and get me away to a different home. No matter how much or how hard I prayed, nothing changed, and a mental paralysis kept me stuck. Please understand, this is not a criticism on wanting to marry, rather it is an observation of what happens when one dream keeps us in a negative situation.

            Amazingly, when I finally moved several years later, my marital status nor my financial status had changed. So, how did I progress from being captive to unmet dreams to finding the strength to move beyond the sadness into a hopeful future?

            Some would say that my conversation with God had been one of feeling sorry for myself—bad me. I believe that by putting the truth of what was going on in my heart before Him and asking His help to make my life better, I opened myself for change. Going forward was not instant, but was a process that I didn’t always realize was happening. There were probably so many incidents that propelled me along this new path, but at this point the following stand out:

            A strategic experience happened innocently enough one morning at church. When entering the pew, a strong thought to move down and sit next to a woman who was sitting alone caused me to change my seating choice. As the service progressed, I realized she was silently crying and at an appropriate time, asked if she were okay. This was the beginning of a friendship. The condo where she and her husband lived was the type of situation I wanted. Their encouragement that I look for a place there was a boost I needed, and it was the start of the buying process. Though I moved to a different place, their condo became the model of comparison I held before me while finding my next home.

            During this time, a seemingly negative situation forced me into opening myself to making new friends. One person who became pivotal in my life was also looking for a new home.  The support of a friend who was walking the same path was invaluable.

            Faith in my own thinking process was critical. While my propensity to steer away from a house note that would make me house poor was right, when I realized I could safely spend more on a new place than originally anticipated, I opened my heart to that possibility.

            I would not settle. Though the process of finding a new place took a while, I waited until I had a knowing and feeling the place was right before buying.

            Thought: Moving from the paralysis of unmet dreams into a happier and better situation was a process that I believe took:

a.    Being honest about the things in my life that were bothering me

b.    Moving forward with prayer

c.    Opening myself to new people and experiences.

 From the moment I moved into my new home, I enjoyed it and lived there, with pride, for thirty years. 

            Sometimes bad decisions or a broken or angry heart can bog us down into the belief that there is no way out. When we realize that our God always has a better plan and commit to following Him, we can know the thrill of victory.